Trying to Forget
by Lucy Kent
Summary: When Harry was hiding from Dudley, he spots a redhead with striking green eyes. He follows her, and regrets it. Sad story. AU. A bit more movie based than book based.


**Another sad story. **

For the Book Thief Competition

prompt: "No matter how many times she was told she was loved, there was no recognition that the proof was in the abandonment." - Markus Zusak (The Book Thief)

* * *

Harry was hiding in the bushes at the park. Dudley had made a new friend, and Harry was trying to avoid the inevitable beating that would come later. He was daydreaming while watching those who passed close to his bush, when he saw a flash of green and then red. His interest peaked, Harry peered at the woman who had moved to sit on a bench nearby. Her red hair was pulled into a loose bun, and she sat reading a small book. At first Harry thought that the green was just his imagination, but then the woman glanced around her, and Harry saw them. Her eyes. They were the same green as his own.

Harry felt his heart speed up. Maybe this woman was part of his family. Maybe she could help him escape from the Dursley's. But he was still too wary of Dudley to talk to her in the open, so he watched her and waited. When she finally stood to leave, Harry followed unnoticed behind her. He heard she humming as she walked, a somewhat familiar tune, and felt his heart beat a little faster.

They walked for about thirty minutes before the woman turned up a driveway and went to the main door. But the woman caught sight of him just before she opened the door. She smiled, and Harry fell in love with her. "Boy! I can see you hiding there in the shadows. Are you alright?"

Harry nodded his head, but she didn't respond so he called out a little reluctantly. "Yes ma'am."

"Well how can I help you?"

"I..." Harry felt his courage shrivel up. "I was just... interested."

"In me? That is so sweet! How old are you?" She asked as she walked closer to where he was, though she stopped a few feet away.

"I just turned nine, Ma'am."

She smiled at him broadly. "You are so sweet! But what are you doing by yourself and... oh my dear boy..." Her eyes softened in pity. "Would you like something to eat?"

Harry pulled on Dudley's shirt self-consciously, he knew he looked skinnier than other boys his age. He was reluctant to say yes, but his curiosity about the woman with his eyes, shoved his doubts away. "If that is alright Ma'am."

"Sure! Just come right in." She turned back to her door, and Harry followed a few paces behind her. She opened her front door, and without turning around continued inside. Harry entered the doorway slowly, nervous. He left his shoes on the porch and after shutting the door, followed the woman. He found her rummaging in her fridge. "Take a seat."

Harry sat at the small wooden table and glanced around. It was a very gentle feeling kitchen, done in whites and pink so pale you could hardly tell it wasn't white. Harry did notice the lack of pictures that the house seemed to point out. It had been the same in the hallway. Unlike at the Dursley's, whose walls were covered in photos of Dudley in his 'finest', her walls were bare. But Harry pushed his thoughts away as the woman turned, but when the woman caught Harry's eye, now that she could see him fully, the Tupperware she had been holding hit the ground.

"Who are you?" She whispered viciously.

Harry was taken aback and found himself whispering "Harry Ma'am." The woman looked murderous at the name.

"No! No! No!" She screamed, and Harry slid from the chair and backed into a corner watching her with growing panic. "No! I can't remember! It can't come back!" The woman was gripping her red hair and it was unraveling from the bun in a manic manner. But then the woman spotted Harry once more and rounded on him. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" Harry didn't know what he had done, but he ducked his head in apology, and that set the woman off even more. "GET OUT!" Harry didn't need to be told twice, he turned tail and ran for the door. The woman chased him out and slammed the door shut moments after Harry crossed the threshold.

Harry made it to the end of the driveway before his feet reminded him of his shoes. Quickly he snuck up to the porch and picked the shoes up from where they were resting. He peaked in the window that was right above him to make sure the woman hadn't seen him. He saw the woman pointing a stick at her face and he heard a muffled shout. Some sort of made up word. But then there was a flash of light and the woman fell to the ground.

Harry wanted to see if she was alright, but he was not stupid, so instead he quickly slid on his shoes and began to run back to the park. He had the park insights when Dudley grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt. "I've been looking for you freak."

* * *

Harry had only briefly glanced at the photo album Hagrid had given him on the train. But when he found himself finally in Dudley's second bedroom, with the sun going down, he opened the photo album once more. He saw his resemblance to his father, but found his eyes drawn to his Mother. Something tickled his memory and he stared at the picture trying to remember. With growing unease, he remembered the woman from when he was nine. But he shook his head, it couldn't be. He fell into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

He was standing outside the house. He wasn't completely sure why he remembered how to get there after only one visit. But there was no doubt, this was the place. He had seen the woman walk through the door only a few moments earlier. A woman who looked a lot like the picture of his mother.

Harry gathered all of his courage and walked to the door. He knocked. There was a pause where Harry held his breath, and the door opened and the woman looked at him. "Can I help you son?"

Harry felt a sharp pain in his chest. "Do you know who I am?"

The woman inspected him, and at first there was nothing. But than horror grew on the woman's face. "GO AWAY!" She screamed, trying to slam the door, but Harry braced himself on it and shoved his way in. The woman whipped out her wand and pointed it at Harry. He froze. "I want you out of my house. Now!"

"Who are you?" Harry begged, a few tears slipping down his face. He was begging for her to say that she wasn't who he thought she was.

"No one! Now go away!"

"Are you... you are... my mother..."

She cut him off. "OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!" Harry began to cry in earnest.

He pulled the photo album from under his shirt and held it out to her, showing her the picture of his mother. "Are you her?

"GET IT AWAY FROM ME!" She turned and tried to run away.

But Harry grabbed her arm, dropping the album to the ground with a thump. "Mom?"

"NO! You are not my child! I don't have any children!" She insisted, trying to shake Harry off of her.

"But..."

"Let go of me Harry James Potter!" Harry dropped his hands in shock. And in pain. Those words confirmed his fears. His tears began to fall in earnest. "I don't understand." She growled at him. "I have Obliviated myself. Over and over and over. WHY DO YOU AND THE MEMORIES KEEP COMING BACK!" Harry had no response, he was doing all he could to breathe.

His mother, the one who had 'died' to save him... was alive. And she didn't want him. His mother... didn't want him.

It wasn't until Lily Potter spat out "No I don't you... you... devil!" That Harry realized he had spoken aloud. Harry said nothing then, just stepped back and grabbed the photo album from the ground. Then he turned to leave. "Wait!" Harry turned in hope. But he found a spell, which hit him between the eyes. "There." She sneered. "Now you can never come here again. And you will never tell anyone about me. You will never EVER call me your mother again. You are nothing but a curse! If you hadn't been born, James would never have died. Now go..." She glared at him. "And disappear from my sight."

Without waiting for Harry's response, she turned and walked up the stairs. Harry moved as though walking through water. His mind was numb, even as his body shook with sobs. Right before Harry opened the door he heard "OBLIVIATE!" He didn't stop, just continued out of the house.

* * *

_Seven Years Later_

* * *

Harry was relaxing at his flat, waiting for his fiancée to arrive. He smiled to himself. He was starting to believe that someone might actually love him, for who he was. Harry pushed the extra thought away. The errant one, that had no place in his happy life. Not willing to think about it at all. Moment's later the floo turned green and Ginny walked through with a smile on her face. But Harry was not able to echo it.

Ginny was gorgeous. Dressed a blue summer dress, Harry's ring on her finger, and a twinkle in her eyes. But her hair was in a bun. A loose bun. And Harry found himself thrown into his nine-year old body. And then into the horror of the summer before his twelfth birthday. Panic filled him. And he knew. Ginny didn't love him. She couldn't love him. No one could love him. He was a freak, a devil, and he could never redeem himself.

Harry apparated away, leaving a shocked Ginny.

* * *

He had to wait three days before he saw that familiar sheen of red hair again. He noticed a major change, the woman was walking with a walking stick. As though she could not see. He put out a hand and stopped her. "Yes?" She asked. Harry reached out and took away the dark shades the woman was wearing. "What are you doing?" She cried out outraged.

Harry felt new tears fall. "What happened to your eyes."

The woman huffed, but lifted one of her hands to touched the scarred and sunken flesh where green eyes used to be. "If you insist on knowing, there was a sight that plagued me. Wouldn't leave. So, I cut my eyes out. So that I never have to see that boy again." She hissed with a deranged tone. "And if you don't give me back my glasses now, boy," She said boy with such venom that Harry knew she knew who he was. "I will kill you myself right this very moment."

Harry said nothing, just gave her back her glasses and apparated away, despite the Muggles who could see him. He found Ginny sleeping on his couch. Harry felt numb as he pointed his wand to her hand and whispered a spell. Slowly the ring that rested there disappeared into nothing. Until her finger was bare.

Completely silent Harry packed a few essentials into a bag. When Harry was at the door of his bedroom, he realized he had left his wand and the old photo album sitting on the nightstand. He looked at them from across the room for a moment, before walking over to them. He considered picking up the album, but reached only for his wand, and walked out of his flat.

* * *

Harry had paid for a small cottage in the middle of the Rocky Mountains in the United States. He had paid a third-party in cash, under a false name. His mind still numb and unable to accept what he had learned. When he finally had put away his stuff, he pulled out his wand. He looked at it for a moment before pointing it at himself and whispering "Obliviate."

* * *

**The idea of Lily surviving, is that James died to protect her, so she wasn't completely killed by the Killing curse. But was near death for a few hours, the sometime after Snape arrived and before Dumbledore arrived, she woke up enough to leave, taking James' body with her. Dumbledore just assumed that the bodies were under the rubble of the falling and burning house.**


End file.
